Archive for August, 2012

Lessons I Have Learnt – To Impart To My Daughter When She Is 16

Posted in Uncategorized on August 29, 2012 by tivaniam


NEVER marry your first boyfriend. Your first love will not be your last love. You need to date a lot of frogs to be able to identify the prince when he arrives. However, you may never meet a prince in your life so learn to change a light bulb and kill cockroaches on your own.

Career and Money

Academic ambition is not overrated. It escalates you to a different level no matter what job you do. Studying when you are thirty with two kids is suicidal.

Travel if you can, even locally. When you are married it is near impossible to find the time or money and the experience will be different.

The allure of credit cards is designed to make you broke. Don’t fall into the debt trap. Buy those killer heels when you have the cash otherwise admire them from a distance. Start putting away money for a rainy day with the first salary you earn. There will be times when money will be scarce and you need a safety net to fall back on.


This is as thin as you are going to get! Eat whatever the hell you want. Similarly, this is as good as your skin will get. Start taking care of it now.


There are no guarantees in life except death and taxes. That is not a cliché.

People that you love will die and you will be left heart broken.

The higher you earn the more tax you pay. That is a guarantee.

Embrace the ones you love while they are alive.  Accommodate for the higher tax when you earn more. You cannot escape either.

People will let you down. Trust will be broken. Friendships will end. Depend on yourself only and you will prevent a lot of heartache and disappointment. Have no expectations at all.

At the end of your life, it is not the mistakes you have made that will matter. What will matter are the dreams that were never fulfilled and the years that have been wasted  – existing rather than living.

How To Train Your Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized on August 24, 2012 by tivaniam

A friend of mine recently celebrated her 42nd wedding anniversary. I had to pause while speaking to her, because I could not wrap my head around the fact. FORTY TWO YEARS!! And all this time, with my impending fourth wedding anniversary around the corner, I thought that I deserved a lifetime achievement award! This woman should get some kind of honorary tribute surely?

Cynicism aside, marriage is a wonderful institution. What grates me are the habits that we have to endure when we enter willingly into domesticated bliss. A particular point of contention for me is around general neatness. Now, being ever so slightly OCD, I have a place for everything and expect to have everything in its place! Mr G has divergent views and that is where the trouble starts.As an example, I would get home from work to find no less than four pairs of shoes strategically flung in different places. Needless to say, these places would often be in critical areas that would result in me tripping and cussing as I try to enter the battlefield that is our home. His logic? Shoes need to be easily accessible wherever he may be and should the need arise to dart out the door in the event of an emergency, he is sorted. Such practicality. So with an effort to not sweat the small stuff I toss the shoes in a corner and leave them there to build up until he cannot find any shoes at all. This has become an almost daily routine. Then, a simple thing like taking a shower has become grounds for divorce proceedings. I must admit, Mr G is consistent in his behaviour though. Every single day finds me picking up wet towels thrown on our bed, clothes flung in every direction and toiletries left open – which, as an aside, is an event in itself because my toddler son lies waiting in the shadows for the opportunity to apply said toiletries onto himself or bits of furniture as he sees fit.  Forget about the daily struggle to maintain the aesthetics of our house! I mean, yes, there is an absolute need to have six pillows on our bed that you cannot sleep on! Don’t you get that?

Having ranted and raved for almost four years now and with my son fast following in his father’s deplorable footsteps, I devised a strategic plan to end this madness and save my marriage. So I did exactly what he does! I had shoes strewn all over the place, I left the bathroom in a state as I got ready for work, clothes were thrown on the floor and for good measure, I included some nice feminine products in the place where his toiletries are kept. Ingenious, right? Well, guess what?


How to train your dragon? Ask the hard questions BEFORE you get married!

The New Marriage Contract

Posted in Uncategorized on August 7, 2012 by tivaniam
Ashley Madison 74%

Ashley Madison 74% (Photo credit: thelampnyc)

If you haven’t heard, a new online phenomenon has hit South Africa in the form of For those of you who don’t know, AshleyMadison (named after the two most popular baby names for girls in the USA) is a website for married men and women who want to cheat on their spouse/partner with like-minded people. You can elect, when signing up, to have face to face meetings, erotic chats, short term or long term liaisons. Apparently – according to founder, Neil Biederman – monogamy is unrealistic in this day and age and instead of being indiscreet and getting caught, one can have a nice, intimate, discreet affair online and have your pick of people to cavort with! His tagline?Life is short. Have an affair.

What a load of bullshit.

Have we become a culture that now accepts infidelity as a way of life? So then, should the rules that govern the sanctity of marriage be redefined to accommodate the ‘seven year itch’?

Picture this.

Will you [insert name] take [insert name] to be your lawful wedded husband, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, irrespective of who he screws in between or chats erotically with, until death do you part?

I don’t know if that will sit well with a Priest. has gone viral with 15 million members in the USA and within a month of being introduced in SA, over 100 000 people have joined. What is wrong with this picture? Why get married if the whole idea of monogamy is not adhered to?

I know of several instances where people who got married for the wrong reasons or are desperately unhappy or abused by their spouse/partner or was forced into marriage, have had an affair which was spontaneous and without premeditation, often followed by remorse and/or divorce. That is usually how these things work. We can debate whether this is right or wrong until we are blue in the face but the reality is that cheating is commonplace and has been over the decades. However, being so blasé about it and wilfully seeking potential partners takes it to another level altogether.

For me anyway.

A writer who interviewed Neil Biederman summed it up perfectly. Why throw away years of memories and good times to scratch a temporary itch? Life IS indeed too short.


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