Archive for June, 2015

How To Love a Hurricane Girl

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on June 26, 2015 by tivaniam

I don’t want to waste time waiting for someone to appreciate or value me. By the time that realisation comes, it would be too late. I want someone to know it immediately and to appreciate it immediately and together we will move mountains.

If I give myself willingly to a man who doesn’t value his own spirit, why would I believe that he’d worship mine? My love is rabid and, for the steadfast, I am too volatile.

I live to tell my tales when nobody thought I would. I am not for the feint of heart.

I want to climb the walls. With not a fuck to be found. Our time here is limited. Good enough never is.

Love Bears All Things

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on June 20, 2015 by tivaniam

It’s a weird and wonderful concept to be indefatigable in the pursuit of love. If, like me, you’re part of the overtly romantic variety, you would appreciate that it’s exhausting to live life waiting for The One or even The One Right Now.

If, like me, you’re also stupid, then decisions are made based on whimsical behaviour, ignoring logic and resulting in inevitable heart ache.

I’ve placed my heart at the bottom of many shoes and ended up becoming the ghost of millions of women who, like me, have debased themselves for the love of another. And regardless of how phlegmatic one can be, becoming a fool for love can break you.

I’ve staved off plenty of slings and arrows that life threw at me over the years but the one thing that tears me to shreds is having my love thrown back in my face as less than. And recently, I’ve been the recipient of that in doses. When I realised I was living just to die, something had to give.

What could have been discarded was primed and put to use. My soul revealed itself despite my pain. I discovered my own self worth which can never be attached to someone’s opinion of me.

Letting go and living without expectation, desperation and longing leaves room for just love to emanate. And through that, through being who I am inherently, the universe conspires to provide me with something infinitely better.

Life is funny. Even when it is not.

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Grief: The Price We Pay for Love

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on June 7, 2015 by tivaniam

I’ve been thinking alot about grief over the last few days, due in part to my father’s birthday being a couple of days away and the news of my uncle being diagnosed with cancer.

I’ve lost so many people that I’ve loved through disease or ill – health and even suicide and I’ve realised that we don’t ever stop grieving. It’s been 12 years of birthdays not spent with my father and while the intensity of the pain diminishes, it never disappears entirely.

Grief does not change you, it reveals you. I’ve had to love silently that which I once loved out loud, living with the reality that death has permanently separated me from someone I love so much.

But through it all, the one lesson I’ve learnt from grief is that it takes an enormous amount of courage to not DO but simply to BE with what is and not try to run from it or anaesthetise it, even when it feels like I’d bleed to death with the pain of it.

Loss is inevitable. It’s the price we pay for loving. It’s part of the human condition. And every single person in this world will experience it. Dealing with loss is different for each of us, what will always remain true is the love that forever lingers in our hearts. Love never ends.

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