Archive for October, 2015

Being Human

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on October 26, 2015 by tivaniam

In an ideal world, when you reach a level of enlightenment and practice mindful behaviour, the notion of reverting to past rotten behaviour seems almost implausible.
In an ideal world.

In the real world, I am fallible. My humanness trumps my spirit. And while I am conscious enough to know this and do what I need to do to alter my state, I sometimes allow myself to dwell in the feeling for longer than I’d like.

Today was one such day. I got a trigger. Something that made my hair stand on end. I reacted so violently that I shocked myself. I got entirely lost in the moment of such utter despair and rage. Those emotions almost always are a mask to hide pain. So despite my previous effort in walking through it, of releasing it and forgiving myself and others, some residual pain clearly still lingered. I am disappointed that I chose to allow the old story to creep into my recently cleaned out system. And boy did it feel good to be a victim. I got alot of oohing and aahing from well intentioned friends which perpetuated my pity party and it lasted for hours. It was an exhaustive process trying to wrestle with my mind and heart.

To my benefit, I can call a spade a spade. Even if it’s applicable to my own stupidity. I’ve always been emotive so I allowed the feelings to come through like waves and instead of kicking, screaming and drowning myself, I just floated on waiting for it to subside.

I have learnt that even the most spiritually awake person will experience moments that test them to their core. When triggers happen, as they do, consider them to be tests of whether you’ve truly let go of the old story that’s become a narrative you know by heart. If you pass and stay focussed on the now, kudos to you. If, like me, you fail…well just have the awareness to call a timeout, feel the feeling, and move the fuck on.

The true beauty of presence is that while I may fall, I never stay down. And I’m actually ok with that. I don’t have tolerance for a spirituality that doesn’t encompass my humanness.
For me, while the ‘human’ aspect and the ‘being’ aspect have merged, operating from a ‘being’ level offers me an opportunity to be aware of where the old patterns emerge from and what to do to correct them. So even if the hissy fit is dramatic and causes a commotion, I have the insight and awareness to pull myself together one “I don’t give a fuck” at a time. 

And that folks is the road to transformation.

Finding Purpose

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on October 19, 2015 by tivaniam

Very often I have a revelation of something that is so profound, I need to make notes. Writer’s syndrome I call it. This past weekend, I’ve had a reconnection with my spirit which is always wonderful but also had a few lightbulbs going off – sometimes simultaneously – that ended up causing an electrical circuit, literally. We had the power trip three times during the workshop I assisted in. No coincidence. The energy was palpable.

I’ve always held the belief that my worth was determined by the outer purpose in which my life was centred. We’re a society that promotes that way of living right? It’s ironic that despite the accumulation of stuff; even if it’s lots of very nice stuff; even if it’s a little of very nice stuff – the feeling of emptiness often remains. The gratification ends swiftly. So we endeavour to get better, more expensive stuff in an attempt to fill the hole. We become more educated, buy the bigger house, fancier car, trendier clothes and attempt to transform our physical body – all in the hope that these efforts would make us feel better emotionally and spiritually somehow. And it does some of the time. But never lasts.

Weirdly,  or perhaps wonderfully, my outer purpose has failed like a mofo. Dramatically. Often. And yet now, my inner purpose is thriving. It is operating completely separately from the external. The law of impermanence means that everything externally will fail. And end. And die. And can be lost. The inner purpose is consistent. And if we truly get that, as I did this weekend in the most profound way,  our happiness would never be dependent on external things or people. It is within and without. A consciousness liberated from thought forms.

In the matrix of our lives, spirituality needs to be the foundation within which our lives are built. Especially if we want sustained joy and happiness. It’s a state of mind. Not something tangible. That’s the definition of success. The service of your ‘being’ first before the needs of the ‘human’.

Get it? 💡

Spiritual Enlightenment

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on October 5, 2015 by tivaniam

The concept of spiritual enlightenment felt, for me, like new-age nonsense. I imagined people standing in a circle singing Kumbaya, holding hands under the moonlight.

Religion equally, felt like an indoctrination of antiquated ritualistic behaviour that had no place in modern society. I didn’t want to subscribe to any of that. I wanted to be “evolved”, scientific and modern.

Needless to say, I’ve been doing things the ass way about.

Like most humans, we engage in destructive behaviour to anaesthetise pain and emotion. We drink and medicate it away, we eat ourselves into oblivion and then wonder why we feel like crap physically and emotionally. It was only until I flipped it around and focussed on the spiritual aspect first that true revelation and restoration began.

The best part about ruin is that it is the road to transformation. If you’re lucky enough to pay attention. The one thing that I began to do was have conversations with God and remain focussed on the now. I conditioned myself to silence my mind and not become obscured with extraneous matter. It is a challenge every single day to drown out the prevalent thoughts and fears which I’ve become accustomed to.

I’ve cultivated the art of gratitude for little things which have expanded into very big things. I’m slowly adopting the art of silence and being awake in stillness. I’ve never actually been as conscious as I am right now.

The law of quantum physics refers to cause and effect. Common knowledge. What science doesn’t make provision for is the miracles that happen as a result of a power much higher than that which we understand.

God has revealed Himself to me and proven that He is available upon request. All that is required is a level of honesty and humility.  Spirituality is the way you live your life.

Consciously and on purpose. Consistently and fully present. Authentically.
Fearlessly with complete surrender.

Even without conventional success, the inner peace I now possess cannot be quantified. And despite provocation from unenlightened people, life lessons still to be learnt and normal challenges I will encounter, I will always remain true to my essence.

I guess life has come full circle – into the Light.

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