Archive for February, 2016

An Artistry of Words

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on February 28, 2016 by tivaniam

Last week I interviewed a woman whom I’ve long admired. She is a widely respected academic, a human rights practitioner, an advocate of women’s entrepreneurial development, a revered author and all round maverick in her field. We got to chatting generally and discovered shared interests and passions and a common investment in personal growth and development. Once the official meeting was over, she extended an invitation to me to write for her as a freelancer in her various philanthropic endeavours.

After an embarrassing display of excitement and the quickest ‘yes’ she ever received, I had to take a moment to reflect on what this meant. Here is a woman who doesn’t know me from Adam, who after having one conversation saw something in me that she felt resonated with her and offered me this opportunity which is a pretty big thing. I was overcome with emotion. I couldn’t believe how my life had changed so exponentially from a few years ago.

Two years ago, I was unrecognisable to myself. I looked at my reflection and didn’t know my own face staring back at me in the mirror. At night I’d hear the blood in my veins and that was the only indicator that I was alive. And again I am reminded that the only permanent condition is that of impermanence.

I am now staring at the unfolding of a twenty year dream. I am given the opportunity to actually make a difference with the writing I do and be appreciated for it. I am no longer a spectator watching in the sidelines. I am actively participating in this dream.

To fully articulate how this happened is difficult even for me that has developed an artistry of words. I consider it a divine dispensation but more so it is the utter and complete realisation that life is not a dress rehearsal. We don’t get a do over. When I finally got that in the worst life lessons I could have received, my mind expanded into the place of infinity possibility. And now, in awe, I marvel at the way the universe continues to conspire to give me what I always wanted.

A Single Girl’s Take on Valentine’s Day

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2016 by tivaniam

I hate Valentine’s Day. I’ve always hated Valentine’s Day. I don’t consider myself to be a cynic but the whole commercialised idea of love being glorified on one day of the year doesn’t appeal to me. Plus I have residual issues stemming from being the only girl in school who never got to gloat at the thrill of having to carry around a stuffed animal and/or obligatory red rose. I missed that whole fiasco.

The month of February seems to have become synonymous with love and romance that is grandiose. It gives hope to the broken and life to the otherwise forgotten. I’ve found though that desperate love is always the toughest way to do it and the pressure to find Mr Right can become all consuming and depressing.

Love is a disease in and of itself. Fortunately, I’ve long since parted ways with the girl I used to be – the days where I’d walk around with a high fever in my face, the poster child for a montage of every Adele song ever written. I’ve exhausted myself with the collective consequences of a lifetime of choices made out of chaotic passions, always the victim of my own optimism.

But, I’m not brooding. This isn’t a brooding essay. I have reached a level of contentment that comes with age and life experience. I’ve learnt that to love is to recognise yourself in another. Few of us can even comprehend the enormity of that. The longing to be recognised not on the level of form, but on the level of being. To become unstitched from below the surface, with a refusal to indulge in anything that’s less than passionate. I want to experience and hold on to the moments that remind me of me.

What’s wonderful about getting older is that love takes on a new meaning. It’s untainted by a physicality that’s superficial. It’s enmeshed in purity. It’s the inclusiveness of being joined with someone and becoming more than you would have been alone. A love that has no opposite.

But before that level of appreciation is had and as clichéd as this sounds, I’ve learnt that I need to Be the embodiment of love, to myself and others, in order to receive it in the way I want. It’s a consecration of sorts to the essence of who I am. This arising awareness makes me feel love that is True and Pure. A Divine dispensation if you will. And while romance is definitely a beautiful thing, true, authentic Love should be a celebration every day.

I’ll be buying myself a bunch of red roses tomorrow 🌷

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