Archive for Freedom

Become A Life Adventurer

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 9, 2017 by tivaniam

We are all raised with traditional dogmas that some of us – if we are really lucky – get to unpack as we get older. Growing up, I was supposed to honour the traditions that Indian women are raised with – selflessness, timidity and an unquestioning belief in the methodologies used by my ancestors. The questioning of these methodologies and ingrained beliefs were never obvious, it was more a desire to be more and do more. As a result, I defied convention in often cataclysmic ways. What appeared to be royal fuck-ups to others, became the unfolding of my soul. The beginning of this adventure was always quietly forming, appearing as restlessness and rebellion, all the while waiting until it was ready to emerge. As the emptiness grew, the desire also quietly unfurled.

So many of us play with the seduction of safety. We hear the waves of turmoil rise and relent until we hit rock bottom and our courage gets rekindled. As a result of living through this courage, I have learnt to trust the promise of beginnings that are aligned to my life’s desires. My spirit of adventure has been awakened and I have found a new ease in risk. My soul literally senses the world that awaits me.

I personally never pursued spirituality for spirituality’s sake, but being a life adventurer has culminated into a selfish service, where my quest for defying convention has allowed me to live my dream of being a writer and growing my own spirituality in a way that makes sense to me. We didn’t come here to live someone else’s life. Being a life adventurer is about living deliberately and creating consciously. As a writer, I get to plant seeds into people’s souls that would eventually give them new thoughts and hopefully the choice to live a new life.

This new year don’t make resolutions that are not sustainable. Instead show up every single day out of your comfort zone and run with those divinely inspired invitations to be even more awesome than you presently are. Life is an adventure. Dream big. Where you are is never who you are.

 

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On Being True

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 27, 2016 by tivaniam

Can we be true to ourselves even if that means failing another? That is a question that I have been plagued with. The more I choose to love myself and vote for myself first, the more complex it becomes for everyone else. This act of juggling and choosing to serve me or serve others leaves me exhausted, with a dire need for peace. I don’t have the answers so I am trying to sit with what is, without trying to hide it or fix it.

What has come up for me in the last few weeks is that it’s not even the pain that consumes me, it’s the fucking shame. Shame about the pain. Shame about the choices. Shame about the reality and the perceptions. It takes self-loathing to another level and is completely counter-productive for my growth and development. I have to become unapologetic about my behaviour and choices whilst knowing that this will be too much for some people. That I will be too much for some people.

A part of me knows that those people, aren’t my people. I know for a fact that my too much is exactly enough for the right people. For those who want more. Therefore, I cannot become less.

Yes, I’ve got these life experiences and perceived failures that many cannot and WILL NOT profess to have. It is dealing with a past depression that could have killed me. It is dealing with multiple failed relationships – often in close proximity to each other. It is making very fucked up decisions, the repercussions of which, are felt to this day.

But guess what, these are also my superpowers. I’m the canary in the coal mine. My experiences, my sensitivity, my telling of the truth is what allows me to sense danger that others cannot. So, instead of being silent and trying to extinguish my fire, allow the same fire that almost killed me, to be the same fire that I will use to light up the world.

Closure is an act of sanity for me.  It is something I choose to bring to the table of my own healing. I don’t see this as failure. It becomes an earnest quest for answers that often uncovers life changing truths. These truths will only set me free.

I know for sure that whatever this is, I will get through it, because I already have and continue to do.

 

 

On Gratitude

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on July 16, 2015 by tivaniam

I needed to lose my mind to find my way. I’ve longed for empathy from a world that’s so hard. I know what hell looks like and I’ve made it out alive.

Because of it, loss made room for the unknown to enter.

When all that I’ve known has been mediocre, I now face the extraordinary, the manifestation of my every dream and desire. And I am grateful.

Grateful for the losses and failures that transformed me.

Grateful for the learning that cannot be unlearnt.

Grateful for the honesty that I possess to relay my story.

Grateful for the Hope and Grace and Love and Joy that surely follows a dark day.

More than that, I am grateful for the knowledge that there is a higher power who knows me, who loves me and provides me with everything that I know I am deserving of. And therein lies the power of the law of attraction.

Being Present

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on October 31, 2014 by tivaniam

Most of us, if we’re really lucky, get to experience a profound revelation after a traumatic or otherwise difficult life experience. We do the hard work to help us recover and own our mistakes and move forward. Equipped with useful information and with the best intentions of participating fully, passionately and harmoniously with the world, we enter into a new realm of spiritual existence.

We all know that there is no meritocracy in this world and bad things do happen to good people. So when shit happens, as it inevitably does, all of the good intentions and useful knowledge do little to circumvent the spiral into chaos within our mind.

It may be difficult to remain positive when life kicks you in the ass and your plans get derailed, but, remaining positive is a choice – something I personally have to condition my mind and heart into believing, every moment of every day.

These are the tools that work for me, which I share with you.

Always believe that the view from the factory is exactly the same as the view from the ivory tower.

In other words, believe that you already possess every single thing you need. And you will want for nothing.

Support comes in many forms. Wake up and pay attention.

I had my heart broken by a person that I thought was my best friend. So believe me, trusting people is not easy. But if you pay attention, you do see that people actually do reveal themselves to you from the beginning, but as fallible humans, we see what we want to see. I have learnt though, that there are genuinely kind and supportive people in this world who are selfless. But, you get what you give. Treat people with contempt and anger, and that is what you will get in return. Demonstrate love in every way – irrespective of how it is received – and you always get back love in return. I have learnt this lesson several times over, and I am a believer of it completely. I have received support in different ways, giving me exactly what I needed to help me cope with whatever situation I found myself in.

Breathe.

Sounds simplistic, but it’s actually harder than it sounds. Too often our minds are consumed with worry, pressure, stress and ‘doing’ that we forget how to be still. I have discovered the therapeutic benefits of removing myself from life for a few moments each day and finding a secluded spot to shut my eyes and breathe. One minute is all you need. The oxygen that reaches your brain has the most profound effect on your frame of mind.

Dance

I used to be the eternal wallflower. Too stiff to move freely, always consumed with what people would think or say about me to be free enough to dance. I have recently been reminded that life is not an episode of “SA’s Got Talent”. I don’t need to be good at it to be able to know intrinsically, how to move. If you want to test this theory, listen to “Can you feel it” by the Jackson Five and see what happens to your body instinctively. Be free to move as you did when you were a child. The benefits of this can’t even be verbalised. It’s a feeling where words do no justice.

Whatever you focus on, you create more of. Live a life of gratitude and abundance would surely follow.

 

 

 

The Dreaded ‘F’ Word

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on July 2, 2014 by tivaniam

Fear.

Not the kind that is inspired by the likes of Freddie Kruger. It is the type that is debilitating, paralysing and stunting growth and development. We are raised in a society that propagates an almost nefarious message throughout our formative years of why we should not do certain things, why it is dangerous to take a risk. Fear in the context of self-preservation, has its place. Fear that prevents you from acting in order to live your best life is one where your freedom is forfeited.

Two weeks ago I made a decision to resign from a stable job that provided me with a decent salary. I have no back-up plan. Whether this is stupid or brave is a debatable thing based on an individual perception, however my decision was based exclusively on the fact that I have a higher calling and a purpose that needs to be fulfilled. My purpose is to be happy and nothing is going to derail me from that ultimate goal.

A wise person told me today that people tend to die at the age of 21 and get buried at 70. Do I want to live an existential life with regrets later on? No. Do you?

Fear has become a safety net for people to stay in bad relationships, jobs, cities or even from BEING. To live a life without risk means that you become nothing. You avoid pain perhaps but neither can you grow or evolve. For years I climbed the imaginary walls in my mind, trying to escape. I can say with conviction that, now, I am finally free. I am versed in a new lingo. I pride myself on my F words but FEAR has no place in there.

 

Mandela: Our Father, The Hero

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on June 28, 2013 by tivaniam
Nelson Mandela

Nelson Mandela (Photo credit: Festival Karsh Ottawa)

For the man who spent most of his life fighting for equality and unity, how ironic is it that now, as his life hangs in a balance, people of every race, creed, social standing and culture unite in prayer for him. His life has come full circle. That which he stood for and fought for, has finally come to pass – a world united in their hope, grief and love.

Politics has always been a contentious issue for me. I won’t pretend to understand the complexities of it, neither can I say with confidence that I know exactly what apartheid feels like, because I don’t. Free will, freedom, democracy – sounds like the very basic of human rights, but for a long time, those rights were unattainable and prescriptions were placed on South Africans for what they could and could not do. For the people in my generation and the generations after, we have no concept of the enormity of what that entailed, suffice it to say, we have all heard the horror stories.

Nelson Mandela is more than just a pioneer who fought for equality. He is a man whose life is governed and dictated by a moral compass that could not be steered. His integrity is unwavering, his suffering for his country, immeasurable and his love for humanity…divine. The legacy he has left will long surpass his human life on this earth. His spirit will resonate within us for decades to come.

What does Madiba mean to me? Well, he is more than just a public figure, he is the man who has allowed me to have the power of choice, and for that I will always be grateful, humbled and in awe of the human spirit.

His message to be better and do better and to forgive and love will long stay with me and will be the lessons I will impart to my own children.

“No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”
Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

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