Archive for Insight

Love: The Only Religion

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 2, 2018 by tivaniam

It’s no secret that I’ve always been slightly agnostic about religion. I don’t subscribe to indoctrination. I don’t feel inclined to perform rituals based on antiquated beliefs and I don’t actually indulge in conversations with people about religion because it becomes so highly contentious. Also, I have little respect for hypocrisy and the people who advocate what is “right” and “wrong” but who choose to behave in unkind ways with ingrained judgment, hatred towards others, and prejudice.

More than that, I have no respect at all for people who use religion as a basis for harming others. So, for all these reasons, I’ve chosen to use the foundations of love, peace, kindness and compassion as my way of being, while having a reverence for a higher power that is evidenced around everything that I hold sacred.

Notwithstanding my sentiments above, I’ve had very profound experiences in my life, two of which stand out in my memory, where I’ve connected with something supremely powerful.

The first experience happened years ago, when I saw the face of Jesus in a dream. He said nothing to me, but just appeared and disappeared. It was the face that we’ve been taught to believe is the impression of Christ – white male, long beard etc. I was too young to fully understand it, but I woke up weeping from the recognition of something and an overwhelming feeling of love.

The second experience happened the other night, again in a dream.

I know very little about Hinduism, barring what deities I grew up hearing about. I never practiced any ritual and never performed any kind of service. Which is why, the dream I had was so confusing.

In my dream, I was driving down a road at night, in my hometown. In the middle of the road, was a frame with a photo of “someone” I couldn’t fathom, with “something” protruding out of the frame that I couldn’t comprehend, but which looked like an object of sorts. In my dream, I drove around the road again, and when I came back to re-look at the frame, a crowd had gathered and people were enclosing the frame with flowers and candles. I didn’t understand any of it, but felt a “pull” that this phenomenon was exclusively for me. When I woke up, the name “Durga” was playing in my head. A name I’ve never heard before.

I asked friends who are knowledgeable on the subject, about the meaning of this, and also tried to describe the weird feeling I had. It seems my dream was an auspicious one, an invitation of sorts to honour the divine Goddess in me, in whatever way I feel comfortable. Because, I was surprised to hear, Durga is a Hindu deity, a warrior Goddess, combating evil that threatens peace.

Peace.

Sidebar: For my Soar family reading this, you would know why that would give me the tingles.

There are lots of things to take away from this, but the one lesson I want to speak about here, is this illusion we’ve created as humans, that there is only ONE way in which to know God/the Divine/Source /the Universe (however you define the higher power you believe in). This is what sparks hatred and divisiveness – the belief that each religion is separate from the other and that we are all different. Religious fascists make it their mission to force others to accept and adopt their particular way of being, denouncing all other beliefs. This kind of behaviour is what continues to spur the divide we face as a collective species.

My personal experiences left me with an all-encompassing KNOWING of a divine spark that exists within and around me. This is an experiential knowing, based on the truth of my experience, and NOT on information fed to me. It is the feeling of oneness, a thread that forms part of the tapestry of all of us, without any distinction.

I’ve had similar feelings when my kids were born. I feel it when I listen to music that moves my heart. I feel it when I am lying next to the man I love. It surrounds me when I am among my Soar family. Divinity is omniscient. It is in everything, everywhere.

Those who perpetuate a separation with stories of “our God” versus “your God”, do so from a place of fear. Love is the higher law. It’s the foundation upon which all religions are formed. If you’re not operating from that point, you have no relationship with God, and in essence, no relationship with yourself. I am discovering that the deeper I get to know myself, the more I feel the divine.

Honouring The Divine Masculine

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 27, 2018 by tivaniam

There’s an unspoken truth we’ve turned a blind eye to. Which I’m not prepared to remain quiet about any longer. I’ve personally witnessed the destruction this lie has amassed and I’ve seen many spirits break as a result.

The lie I refer to is the way in which we’ve been taught to regard men and the standard in which we’ve upheld them. By “we” I mean society at large. I am not a feminist or fascist in any way or form. My advocacy has always been about truth, authenticity and conscious living. My personal belief is that men and women form part of the same energetic frequency with both masculine and feminine energies. But we’ve been taught to differentiate and prescribe certain roles and responsibilities on to men, exacerbated by antiquated stories of men saving damsels in distress.

We’ve all bought into the bullshit, and hyped it further with sayings like “cowboys don’t cry”. We’ve placed the responsibility of providing financially squarely on the shoulders of men. We defined success for them as a way to measure up. We’ve defined the meaning of a “real man” according to a carefully crafted script. We’ve negated their emotional wellbeing and suppressed their innate ability to nurture or comfort because it wasn’t the “manly” thing to do. We’ve given them the responsibility of taking care of our emotional wellbeing and blamed them for our unhappiness. We’ve used religion or posterity, loyalty and obligation as control mechanisms to get them to conform. We’ve scoffed at their desire to be vulnerable because boys don’t cry. And “real men” don’t behave like sissies. And what we’ve done is create very angry and very sad men who feel isolated, scared and depressed. But they’d rather kill themselves than ever admit their truth. And so they do. The recent spate of suicides by men bears testament.

So what are we doing here and why are we doing it?

The simple answer is conditioning.

As an Indian woman I’ve seen many men aspire to become the vision that was set out for them by their parents. Often this vision had absolutely nothing to do with who they truly were, but they executed that vision to satisfy their parents. They negated their truths out of duty and obligation. I’ve also been a witness to men who wanted to express their pain and yet had to suppress it, which suppression translates into anger.

It’s time we create a new context. There is no men versus women here. It’s men AND women working together towards a collective consciousness. That is the only time we can move forward as a species. These gender specific roles are an illusion. We are all exactly the same. Honouring the divine masculine means honouring parts of ourselves as women. As a collective. There’s no differentiation. There are NO templates to follow that govern how men ought to be.

Beloved masculine, today I invite you to hold a mirror up and take a stark look at yourself. Begin to embrace the real truth and not the bullshit you’ve been fed about how you’re supposed to be. Recognise the courage it takes to be vulnerable and break down those barriers to love. Speak and own your truth. Know that your power is inherent and doesn’t need to be wielded forcefully. Understand that you don’t need to win approval from anyone. Understand that love is not conditional upon what you can provide or who you need to impress. Understand that you have the power to create your own reality. Own the fact that you CAN choose yourself and your happiness. Most importantly, break down the stereotypes and free yourself. It’s okay to exhale.

I honour the divine in You, as part of Me.

Living With Integrity 

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on September 3, 2016 by tivaniam

I’ve been mulling over the concept of integrity over the last few days. More than just HAVING it, how many of us actually LIVE with it? 

I know for a fact that I like to think I do, but I don’t. Not consistently anyway. And it’s hard but necessary to tell that truth.

Living with integrity means more to me than its simplistic meaning. Often my spirit is nudging me in one direction and I bypass that feeling and go in the direction that puts myself last. And havoc gets created internally as a result. Can I live a life that involves being true to myself fully without worrying about what people would think? No. It seems I cannot. And therefore I lack integrity.

When my life turned a corner, I promised and committed to living with the full expression of who I am, actively participating in life after wanting to die for so long. But like most women, I suspend my deepest desires and needs in service of what needs to be done. That is not living with integrity.

I’m not the same woman I was even a year ago, fortunately. I’ve learnt that only by owning who and what I am, am I able to step into life fully. But I’ve bought into this distorted hype of what society deems beautiful and correct and loathe my aging process. I used to hold it in reverence, marvelling at the gift that wisdom brings with age. Now I look at myself and see mounds of fat. I am not living with integrity.

Recognising that there are issues to work through is one thing. Taking the action necessary is where the hard work begins. Starting over begins by looking inward. Paying attention to the inklings and murmurings. The universe applauds action not thought. Real providence comes from knowing what is the truth of your life. Where everything you do and say every single day shows the world who you are.
That is living with integrity. 

A Single Girl’s Take on Valentine’s Day

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2016 by tivaniam

I hate Valentine’s Day. I’ve always hated Valentine’s Day. I don’t consider myself to be a cynic but the whole commercialised idea of love being glorified on one day of the year doesn’t appeal to me. Plus I have residual issues stemming from being the only girl in school who never got to gloat at the thrill of having to carry around a stuffed animal and/or obligatory red rose. I missed that whole fiasco.

The month of February seems to have become synonymous with love and romance that is grandiose. It gives hope to the broken and life to the otherwise forgotten. I’ve found though that desperate love is always the toughest way to do it and the pressure to find Mr Right can become all consuming and depressing.

Love is a disease in and of itself. Fortunately, I’ve long since parted ways with the girl I used to be – the days where I’d walk around with a high fever in my face, the poster child for a montage of every Adele song ever written. I’ve exhausted myself with the collective consequences of a lifetime of choices made out of chaotic passions, always the victim of my own optimism.

But, I’m not brooding. This isn’t a brooding essay. I have reached a level of contentment that comes with age and life experience. I’ve learnt that to love is to recognise yourself in another. Few of us can even comprehend the enormity of that. The longing to be recognised not on the level of form, but on the level of being. To become unstitched from below the surface, with a refusal to indulge in anything that’s less than passionate. I want to experience and hold on to the moments that remind me of me.

What’s wonderful about getting older is that love takes on a new meaning. It’s untainted by a physicality that’s superficial. It’s enmeshed in purity. It’s the inclusiveness of being joined with someone and becoming more than you would have been alone. A love that has no opposite.

But before that level of appreciation is had and as clichéd as this sounds, I’ve learnt that I need to Be the embodiment of love, to myself and others, in order to receive it in the way I want. It’s a consecration of sorts to the essence of who I am. This arising awareness makes me feel love that is True and Pure. A Divine dispensation if you will. And while romance is definitely a beautiful thing, true, authentic Love should be a celebration every day.

I’ll be buying myself a bunch of red roses tomorrow 🌷

Vision – 2016

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 18, 2016 by tivaniam

Dear 2016

Eighteen days in and all this?? You’ve been kind to me. Let’s create a lasting impression and maintain a level of consistency with the good vibrations. Let’s be friends huh?

I have to admit, I’ve been somewhat agreeable so I’ve played my part. I’ve decided that there won’t be a loss of awareness beyond name and form. I’ve decided to remain in the present moment. I’ve decided to stop majoring in minor things…converted knowledge for wisdom, you know?

And I suppose when the student is ready the teacher will appear. And she’s appeared. She looks oddly like me, except she has the trilogy of human endowments down to a peg: mind, body and soul in sync. The Being within me that’s formless.

I’ve decided that consciousness is more than just adding some spiritual sounding concepts to the content of my mind. I plan on fully getting to the truth of who I really am. Not in quantitative terms of more Facts but in the qualitative dimension of Depth.

The last few years have been the utter collapse of a mentally defined meaning and has become a call to a higher order. So, 2016, let’s not pursue intelligence in the service of madness anymore. Let’s allow for my external reality to reflect my inner state, which right now is a state of Ananda – the bliss of being.

Let’s get it right this time. I promise to Give in order to Receive because I know abundance, in all things, come to those who already have it.

And fuck. I do!!

I always have.

            

Power of Vision

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2015 by tivaniam

In recent weeks, I have been tried and tested in terms of staying true to the essence of who I am. I am peace and peace should follow me everywhere I go, however, I am manifesting great conflict into my life right now that leaves me wondering where the basis of that stems from. I have lived my life with great certitude regarding the abuse of power and have tried to live with a level of humility that makes me authentic and empathetic to others. So when I am faced with dictatorial people who dominate others through their status, rank or wealth, I immediately recognise weakness disguised as strength. It is a tyranny of impoverished thinking.

There is nothing noble about being superior to some other person. True nobility only lies in being superior to your former self. These are principles which govern my life. However, I have openly expressed my humanness and how a slight provocation makes me forget who I am. The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master. My every despairing thought was of an inadequacy that should have no basis in my current mind. As a writer, words for me are a verbal embodiment of power. It has to therefore be chosen so carefully. So if someone says I am incompetent, based on nothing, it definitely should have no bearing on me and rather attests to their own sad story. Unfortunately, I have been measuring my self-worth against other people’s net worth. The subjugation of my entire form based on discursive murmurings. It’s stupid. I lost the awareness of who I am beyond name and form.

I have realised that there is a definitive anxiety gap that becomes my constant companion when I divert from the present moment and propel myself into the future or dwell on the shit of my past. However, the problems of the mind cannot be solved on the level of the mind. When I reaffirm this, I reclaim my power.

The lesson is this. Certain people are as they are. Never overlook the power of simplicity. Sometimes the best thing to do, is nothing at all. That is having the power of vision in the face of adversity.

Being Human

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on October 26, 2015 by tivaniam

In an ideal world, when you reach a level of enlightenment and practice mindful behaviour, the notion of reverting to past rotten behaviour seems almost implausible.
In an ideal world.

In the real world, I am fallible. My humanness trumps my spirit. And while I am conscious enough to know this and do what I need to do to alter my state, I sometimes allow myself to dwell in the feeling for longer than I’d like.

Today was one such day. I got a trigger. Something that made my hair stand on end. I reacted so violently that I shocked myself. I got entirely lost in the moment of such utter despair and rage. Those emotions almost always are a mask to hide pain. So despite my previous effort in walking through it, of releasing it and forgiving myself and others, some residual pain clearly still lingered. I am disappointed that I chose to allow the old story to creep into my recently cleaned out system. And boy did it feel good to be a victim. I got alot of oohing and aahing from well intentioned friends which perpetuated my pity party and it lasted for hours. It was an exhaustive process trying to wrestle with my mind and heart.

To my benefit, I can call a spade a spade. Even if it’s applicable to my own stupidity. I’ve always been emotive so I allowed the feelings to come through like waves and instead of kicking, screaming and drowning myself, I just floated on waiting for it to subside.

I have learnt that even the most spiritually awake person will experience moments that test them to their core. When triggers happen, as they do, consider them to be tests of whether you’ve truly let go of the old story that’s become a narrative you know by heart. If you pass and stay focussed on the now, kudos to you. If, like me, you fail…well just have the awareness to call a timeout, feel the feeling, and move the fuck on.

The true beauty of presence is that while I may fall, I never stay down. And I’m actually ok with that. I don’t have tolerance for a spirituality that doesn’t encompass my humanness.
For me, while the ‘human’ aspect and the ‘being’ aspect have merged, operating from a ‘being’ level offers me an opportunity to be aware of where the old patterns emerge from and what to do to correct them. So even if the hissy fit is dramatic and causes a commotion, I have the insight and awareness to pull myself together one “I don’t give a fuck” at a time. 

And that folks is the road to transformation.

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