Archive for suicide

Who Are You…Before The World Taught You Who To Be?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2018 by tivaniam

There is a fundamental need that we possess, which we aren’t talking about. It’s the need to tell the truth. Our individual truth. The voice we try to suppress and drown out.

This past week, two celebrities committed suicide within days of each other, shocking their friends and families, all of whom assumed that these people were happy. When you’re living a life of pretence, you become the greatest actor. Life imitates art.

In this era of social media dominance, we are consumed with comparing our “behind the scenes” to someone else’s “highlight reel”.  We have lost perspective and forget that people are putting forward the very best versions of themselves, which can often be nothing more than a facade. We spend so much of time pretending to have perfect lives externally, when the internal reality paints a very different picture.

The desire to fit in is so consuming that people are choosing to end their lives, literally, because of the suppression of their truths. We fake the smiles and happiness. We post stuff on Instagram and Facebook pretending to try and bridge the gap between who we are, and how we want other people to perceive us. We’ve become masters at meeting other peoples’ expectations.

All of this pretending is nothing more than lying. Lying to please others. And it’s making us sick physically and emotionally. We’re a society that is anxious, depressed, addicted and suffering. We’ve become so obsessed with fitting into a societal norm that teaches us to do more, to have more, to want more…and all it seems to be doing is making us more and more miserable.

So, who are you, before the world taught you who to be? Do you even know what that looks like? What freedom tastes like? What happiness feels like?

Prior to my failed suicide attempt four years ago, I was never able to answer these questions. All I wanted to do was fit in, be accepted and not judged. I moulded myself into the woman everyone else wanted me to be. I never listened to my own internal voice and truth and I negated my desires and dreams until I was prepared to end my life for it. Surviving my suicide attempt was the wake-up call I needed. I promised myself then, that I would never ever sacrifice my life in the pursuit of making others happy, or conforming to some stupid prescribed way of being that never encompassed my personal truth. I wanted to figure out who I am for myself, and what I was here to bring. And I got the answer. I discovered my voice and purpose and I was never silenced again. That is true authentic power. Had I fulfilled that intention to kill myself, this world would be robbed of my voice, my words and the gifts that I am here to bring; teaching others about hope and redemption. I will never again give anyone the power to dictate how I should be, how I should live or who I should love.

When you step into the light of who you truly are, you find real freedom and happiness that is authentic which can never be taken away. When will you understand how precious life is? When you’re on your deathbed riddled with regrets? Think about it.

Make today the day. Start now. Choose you.



On Suicide and Depression

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on August 20, 2014 by tivaniam

Shepard Smith, Fox News’ anchor, made an ignorant remark when covering Robin Williams’ recent death, calling Williams’ a “coward” for committing suicide.

What struck me was the fact that, despite officially apologising for what he dubbed “an innocent comment”, Smith has caused a stir on social media platforms – with people being both in agreement of and opposed to his outrageous remark.

Everyone seems to have jumped on the bandwagon giving their comments and opinions about suicide and debating the merits of depression. But, unless you have been there, I don’t think any academic or empathetic comments do justice.

Having recently been at the throes of despair, being unashamedly candid about my own struggle with depression, I contemplated suicide more than once. What the average person needs to understand is that this is a disease that one cannot “snap out of”. Good intentions aside, the advice I was given, created more of an annoyance and made me feel worse about myself. Comments like “think about your children”, “you have so much to be grateful for”, “you need to pull yourself together”…etc etc etc…do nothing for someone who considers it a task to get out of bed every morning. Each person’s pain threshold differs and what can be dramatic for me, may not be for another as pain is relative.

Whatever the cause, the point is, depression is a disease and should be treated as such. A reasonable amount of respect should be afforded to someone suffering from depression because in most cases, one doesn’t “choose” to simply be depressed.

A culmination of several traumatic life experiences removed all hope from Robin Williams. With the onset of early Parkinson’s disease, life as he knew it, would never be the same. He chose to end his life for whatever reason and there should not be any judgements made or comments that suggest that his soul would now serve it’s time in hell.

Life on earth is hell. Financial trouble, ill-health, relationships failing, death of a loved one, being unemployed, abused, victimised or having a low sense of self-worth are palpable reasons for people to spiral into a dark abyss. Whether suicide is justified or not – it’s a subject that should never warrant judgment.  

Personally, had divine intervention not come to me in the form of The SOAR Institute, I too, would have probably been dead. I have had the insight and experience to know that nothing in life is insurmountable – but again, this knowledge came from having walked that painful path.

Life is hard enough – be kind to each other. Reach out to someone who you think may be hurting. Be authentic with the kindness and concern and know that with life being so unpredictable, you can never tell when your time of need will come, so hopefully your kindness comes back tenfold.

Pay it forward.

%d bloggers like this: